8 weeks to a better me: Week Seven (Personal Style)

{a funny thing happened on the way to the blog....}

I was downloading and looking through random photos that I have in order to show what kinds of things I usually wear.  I was thinking that the target of my Personal Style goals could be to pare down some of the weirdo things that I own.  Who, after all, needs 5 gowns from the 70s one in lime green with metal details?  Who needs 15 pairs of lamé pants and every color of lamé top and high waisted booty shorts possible?  And why do I actually have an entire portion of my closet devoted to "costumes"?

Then I realized...because it is FUN, and I like it, and it's ME! 

Sure the closet article in Shape magazine gave me a little bit of inspiration, having a sparse closet with a few choice pieces sounds great...but what kind of terrible predicament would I be in when invited to a hillbilly dance party, a zombie festival or an 80s prom dance party...I would have nothing to wear! Let's face it, that is just unacceptable.

Sure I have a lot of clothes, and yes, I have a lot of impractical clothes too, but for right now...I am not over playing dress up!

So here are my 3 personal style goals for this week:

Goal 1:  Cut up and redesign any clothing that I just never wear.  Donate things that are nice enough to donate, or put vintage wear for sale.

Goal 2:  Put aside any shoes that need repair, donate or get rid of shoes that are beyond repair or that I haven't worn all season.

Goal 3:  Switch seasonal clothing out and reorganize school clothing versus play clothing (Mister Rogers style).

Thanks Danielle and Elsie for the inspiration!

xoh!

d

8 weeks to a better me: Week Six (Home Sweet Home)

This week's goals brought to you by Danielle from Sometimes Sweet and Mandi from Here's Looking at Me, Kid are all about making your home a wonderful place to be in!

My apartment is less than charming, I will be the first one to admit it. I have been lucky to usually live in large loft spaces, or amazingly beautiful Queen Victorians renovated into apartments, complete with claw foot tubs and even a terrace. I have lived in apartments with high ceilings and hardwoods, funky slanted walls and original woodworking. At the very least I have had a large kitchen, or a killer backyard, or ample space with which to add fun vintage furniture, build a huge bed frame with wall pockets, or house a sectional and a large farmers table.

This apartment has none of that.

1. It has carpets. I almost puked when I realized I would have carpets, especially with a dog and two cats...but the view to the park and the proximity to it kind of cancelled out that fact that I vacuum every other day (sometimes every day).

2. It's small. Actually...it is pretty big for NYC...maybe average or small for Brooklyn...but darn it I have more than one room! I thought on my teachers salary and living alone that I would probably have to settle for a studio...but alas, I have a one bedroom! WEEEE!!!

3. It's in an apartment building, so it is pretty much a cookie cutter apartment...a little bit awkward and just...sort of...normal.

But, there are MAJOR pluses!

-I have two very large windows...one in each room. You can see the park from the windows and my neighborhood isn't all that loud, so the windows can be opened to get a nice breeze.

-I have enough room for my loom and my drafting table and my easel. Basically I have enough room that I have a full studio room. I use the main room when you enter as a dining area/bedroom and the other room is for my creative self.

-I have plenty of closet space. Like, a ton. This is great for me and I'm not sure what I would do without it!

Here are Mandi's tips for keeping your home awesome: You can read the full post here.

1. Don't buy or keep anything you don't love.
2. Start small.
3. Don't neglect function.

{so here are my goals for this week, regarding my home}

Goal 1: Finish putting together new chairs and set complete new dining set. Dad, if you are reading this: please don't hate on me! It is so hard to get the new chairs together and I don't have the right tools...plus I already have chairs so I only have put 1 of the 3 together. I promise I will borrow some tools and get this done this week!

Goal 2: Switch out my seasonal clothing, purge anything I don't wear or need. I do own too much clothing, I have a large closet and also a full dresser worth of clothing, and if all of my clothes are clean at the same time: I have to admit, I don't have enough space to house all of it. I have been slowly trying to get rid of pieces I don't use and focus on a smaller amount of staple pieces...but thrifting is so fun, dressing like a maniac is so fun, and clothing is just...so fun! I did make a commitment that anything I buy will be 90% handmade or vintage so that helps cut down on the crazy. This week I will make sure to switch my clothing over for the season and get rid of anything I didn't wear during fall/winter.

Goal 3: Work on one area of studio. I need to make sure that my studio is in good working condition for the extra time I will have coming up in 10 days when school is out! I will focus on one aspect of the studio: the space behind my drafting table. Here I will make sure to create something to house ideas, sketches, and keep me organized and accountable. So this week I will create a inspiration/to do area in my studio.

I am excited to spruce up the place a bit...and in order to keep me accountable, I will share some before and after pictures with you later this week!

xoh!
d

How to Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life

So the other day I was walking through Prospect Park with my dog when I heard some arguing in the wooded area to my left. It was a young couple, probably younger than 20. The boy was saying "baby, baby, what are you talking about? what did I do?" The girl was sobbing and saying, "I am not your girlfriend anymore, I don't need my SUPPOSED boyfriend all over other girls and pretending to them that he doesn't care about me." This went back and forth and I paused about 20 feet away with my dog just to make sure that the girl was okay. They were in an area in which it wouldn't be very safe for either of them if one decided to take the argument from yelling, to physical.

Things started to escalate. The female was trying to walk away and said that she didn't want him to follow her and he kept getting in front of her, grabbing her by the waist or alternatively the shoulders and telling her that she couldn't leave. This was enough for me. I calmly approached the couple, asked the girl if she was okay or if she wanted to walk with me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and mouthed "please" and I put my arm around her. I said to the boy, we are going to take a break from this, and I walked the girl with me and told her a little bit about what I am going to share here.

This situation broke my heart in so many ways. The first reason it really got to me was the fact that I KNEW this girl would immediately go back with the boy probably within that night, if not within about twenty minutes...but with free will, what can I do about that? The other reason is because this girl has such a low sense of self worth that she has no idea how to get out of a situation that is this toxic, nor does she necessarily realize how bad off she really is.

I was a child of divorce, and like many children of divorce, you see relationships in strange ways. I think being someone who's family was broken up changes the amount of garbage you will put up with. I also think that having a family structure with stepparents changed the way I think about how relationships and commitment really works.

There is no part of me that blames my family for the decisions I have made, or for how long it took me to realize how to cut toxic people from my life, hell I am still working on shaking some of the last bits of crazy away from me....but I will say this:

{People with strong healthy relationships around them, are more likely to foster strong healthy relationships themselves.}
Why did this girl have such low self worth? She was beautiful, spoke well and was receptive and sweet. Who knows really. I can't make any snap judgements in such a short encounter but I do know this...I know the reasons why I used to have low self worth. Okay, so here is where I am going to share...deep breath...

-any sort of physical or sexual abuse can bring on low self worth. this is because if you are ever used or abused by someone, that person has devalued you or just used you like an object, no matter how strong you are, this abuse can lower your self esteem.

-consistent toxic relationships will make it seem as if that sort of relationship is normal. if you are only surrounded by constant arguments, friend's whose boyfriends put them down or are unfaithful, you will assume that this is the nature of all relationships.

-trying to gain a sense of control in an uncontrollable environment can lead to low self worth. this can also lead to eating disorders, drug abuse etc. if your environment is unhealthy or unpredictable it is very hard to maintain a sense of control, therefore we try to control other things and often end up in unhealthy situations.

-consistent criticism or being unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem. if you constantly compare yourself to others, "why is she so pretty, happy, talented" it can really mess with you...if someone else constantly says to you "why can't you be more like Jane"=same effect.

-bullying can cause low self worth. if you are constantly told that you are trash, a slut, a dyke, an idiot, a loser, or whatever wonderfully terrible things kids are saying to one another now in school...it can lead to low self worth.

Okay, so now we went over some of the reasons this girl, or any girl or guy or man or woman could be in this situation. Here comes the hard part:

{HOW TO GET OUT OF IT!}

First let me say that I am far from an expert, and I am just speaking from my experience and the experience of other women close to me.

Next, knowing that I am not an expert, let's take a look at some good books to read on the subject:

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them

But He'll Change

Women Who Love Too Much

With the help of your friends, and these books and hopefully my advice, you will realize that you too deserve to be treated with love and respect!

Here are some tips:

Make a PROS and CONS list...do it with the help of your friends. If I would have opened up the topic of dude.who.sucks.but.I'm.dating.anyway to my friends, I am SURE that they would have offered up a bunch-o-cons that I hadn't thought of. It helps to have someone else really sit down with you and talk about the relationship as they see it as well. When you are inside a crappy relationship, and you have low self worth, you deny the bad parts and elevate the good parts like whoa.

At the end of the night, write down how this person made you feel. Is your calendar filled with, "said he/she was working late, friend said he saw him/her out dancing.", "called me 15 times in a row." "always brings phone to bathroom when showering" "demanded to know who I was with." OR is it filled with things like: "had great conversation over pizza." "texted me "still the coolest babe in NY?" "didn't talk to her/him today, went out dancing with friends" (Because guess what oh little friends in abusive relationships: NOT SPEAKING EVERY SINGLE DAY is GOOD AND HEALTHY!) Just because someone is in constant contact with you, does not mean they like or love you more...in fact, it may just mean they are sketchy as hell or super obsessive.

For the love of god STOP MAKING EXCUSES! It doesn't matter how drunk, stoned, tired, stressed, artistic your dude or lady is...there is absolutely no excuse for screaming that you are a slut or a bitch in front of your friends, while you are alone walking down the road, or inside the confines of your apartment where no one else but your poor little cat hears. PS: your cat hates your partner too and you are stressing out Whiskers by keeping that jerkola around. There is absolutely no excuse ever for someone to rip your bag off of you and throw it, to punch you in the face, to slap you, to grab your arm so hard that it leaves bruises, to grab you by the hair, to chase you down the road, to throw you down the stairs, to trap you in the bathroom, to call your phone 55 times in a row. None of this is remotely acceptable and if someone does this to you...two words: RESTRAINING ORDER.

BLOCK THEM. Block them on your phone, use privacy star, make your facebook friend's only, don't answer their emails, texts, phone calls. If you don't feel safe at your house, call the cops and let them know and stay with a friend. If you don't feel safe in the park: let a stranger, covered in tattoos with a dog and a smiling face put her arm around you and walk you away.
You are not alone.


She/He is NOT going to change. You cannot fix him or her no matter how kick ass you are.


You are absolutely, one hundred percent worth a kind, caring, trusting partner.
You are worth waiting for.
You are worth a partner who only has eyes, words, and love for you.
You are worth calm, centered and focused communication.
You are worth being able to have your own life, your own passions, your own friends.
You are worth it because you are a wonderful person who will give kind, caring, trusting words to your partner, only have eyes words and love for them. Because you will speak with calm, centered and focused communication. You are worth it because you are kick ass...and don't let anyone...anyone...ANYONE tell you otherwise.


If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, please feel free to email me: danielleruckus@gmail.com, call or text a friend, or reach out to the HOTLINE.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

For once you get out of this craptastic relationship and need help to start loving yourself and not that douchebag:

Positive Thinking for Single Women.

Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent.


I hope this helps.
xoh!
d

8 weeks to a better me: Week Five (Loving Life & Having Fun!)

Before I dive right into week 5, I would like to take a look back at what goals I have set so far and how I have done with those goals.

Week 1:
Goal 1: Create a weekly post regarding Brooklyn. I have not been doing so hot with this one, good reminder to look at this goal again and document the great places I have been and share!
Goal 2: Share a recipe that I use often.
Goal 3: Connect more with other bloggers.

Week 2:
Goal 1: Commit to drinking at least 6, preferably 8 glasses of water throughout the day.
Goal 2: This week I pledge to do core exercises Monday, Wednesday and Friday and to run or skate Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Goal 3: Get 7 hours of sleep a night.

Week 3:
Goal 1: Eat one salad everyday.
Goal 2: Snack on raw nuts and veggies.
Goal 3: Have one raw smoothie every morning.

Week 4:
Goal 1: Me time.
Goal 2: Sign up for a yoga class.
Goal 3: Set the alarm clock a few minutes earlier every day this week.

I am actually surprised that I only have one goal so far that I have let slip by the wayside! I haven't kept up all of the core exercises M,W,F but I also only committed to focusing on that for week 2.

{Other things I have changed}
-Taking the stairs instead of the elevator in my building.
-Riding my bike or walking for any errand within 6 miles.
-Took a 3 day internet break during Memorial Day weekend.


So this week's goals are all about loving life and having fun! Danielle featured guest blogger Lauren from Busy Bee Lauren to speak to having fun and loving life. You can read the post here!

Goal 1: Cut negative things and situations out of my life. I took the first step in this process this weekend, where I sat down and thought about how certain people make me feel and how communication with particular people at this point is a very bad idea and bad for all parties involved. Then I did something about it! Instead of continuing to think that things would change, I stepped up for myself and set boundaries that I feel comfortable with. I already feel an enormous weight lifted off of my shoulders.

Goal 2: Strike up conversations with strangers, or at the very least, say hello! Now that the weather is nicer I have been spending a lot more time outside and wandering around my area. Why not take that a step further and take some time out to ask the little old lady down the block about her garden, or ask a stranger for restaurant suggestions. One thing I find really ridiculous is the ability people have to walk passed one another on an empty street without even a smile. That has to stop people!

Goal 3: Exercise caution in what I chose to read. This is a hard one with the internet and goes along the lines of Goal 1. There is no reason to waste one precious second of my life looking at or reading anything that does not serve the purpose of uplifting, informing, or bettering myself.

{and a bonus goal for this week}
Never drink more than 2 alcoholic beverages a night. I paid the price Sunday morning for this when I was up all night dancing (yes, and indulging) the night before. For this week I will make sure to never have a hangover. The good news is, I am a lightweight now and so 2 drinks is absolutely sufficient! All of the refined sugars in alcohol doesn't work so well with eating all of this raw food...nor does it work well with the amazing, but HOT, weather we have been having lately!

{here's to a positive week!}

xoh!

d

8 weeks to a better me: Week Four (Loving Yourself)

It's funny, I feel that I have slowly been integrating this self-love concept into my life! I just posted recently about accepting your quirks and "flaws" as a wonderful part of who you are. Lately I have been writing out things that make me happy on one of my dresser drawers so that when I wake up, I see those joyful things in my life right away. Mostly, I have been focused on what good things there are about me...sans anyone else making me feel good about myself!

Thank you Danielle and Kaelah for the self-love posts, and the prompt to set some goals for this week.

Goal 1: Me time. Take one evening this week to soak in the tub with lots of bubbles and tea (or wine!) and a good book and shut the whole world out, just be alone with my thoughts and some candles nearby.

Goal 2: Sign up for a yoga class. I have been doing yoga on my own now for a while, but I would like to also be in a class setting and push myself even more. The more time I spend working on my body and loving what it can do the better I feel about me!

Goal 3: Set the alarm clock a few minutes earlier every day this week. With the extra time I will soak up some extra rays of sun in the park with Malomar, ride my bike around the loop quickly before heading off to work, or just get to work a few minutes early. As much as I love sleep, when I am not rushing to work, putting on my makeup at a stop light, or throwing an outfit together last minute I am truly loving myself by putting my best foot forward and starting off the day relaxed and prepared.

You can join in on the goal setting here!

xoh!
d

Smoothie and Family Eating Update!

Day 2 of Week 3 (8 weeks to a better me) and I woke up early enough to make myself a raw morning smoothie again...this one containing a bunch of frozen blackberries, yum!

Ingredients:
2 frozen diced bananas
2 cups almond milk
1 handful blackberries

You can also add a tbsp of tahini or almond butter to make it a little creamy and add some protein if you like.

Add all ingredients in food processor and blend until smooth.

{and a family healthy eating update!}
This is SO exciting! My father, after reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, has decided to eat about half of his meals vegetarian! He told me that last week, 7 out of 12 of his meals were vegetarian, and some were even vegan! If you are wondering where the number 12 comes from, he actually never eats breakfast and doesn't eat 3 meals a day. We will have to tackle that another time, right now I am so excited that he is making this positive change in his diet, and even more happy that he was open to informing himself and read the book with an open mind and heart!


It is super rainy outside, and as I am sending out this quick update on my break...from outside I just heard a kid scream "Robert just ate a worm!"

Amazing.


Hope you are having a wonderful day!
xoh!
D

8 weeks to a better me: Week Three (Healthy Eating)

{OHHH! This one is right up my alley!}

I definitely think of myself as a healthy eater, (orthorexics unite!) of course I like sweets but I am aware and make sure that I eat them in moderation (okay, usually!) I have been slowly moving to more raw food so that I can tackle one of my Summer Goals for this year (eat one week on, one week off raw foods).

Check out the guest post on Sometimes Sweet from Tracy over at Shutterbean (and thanks Danielle for recommending her site, I can't wait to look through all of the recipes!).

Tracy recommends three things on the eat healthy tip: drink water, always have healthy snacks for on the go, and eat one salad everyday. Okay...so I already am fighting the water battle, and pretty much winning...but I need to keep that one a part of my everyday routine, so thanks for the reminder!

In terms of healthy snacks on the go...I am pretty good with this as well. I always have fruit or larabars with me when I head into work or head out anywhere, so as to curb my cravings for getting random vegan cupcakes or wings on the way home from work. This works like magic!

Salad once a day? I can hop on that rule! It's a good time for me to eat more greens anyway as more and more are showing up at the farmer's markets lately.

So without further ado:

My goals also bring me closer to my raw diet...

1. Eat one salad everyday
2. Snack on raw nuts and veggies
3. Have one raw smoothie every morning

I had already thought up these rules last night and made a raw smoothie this morning, so I am off to a good start!

Ingredients:
3 cups frozen diced banana
2 cups almond milk
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsps agave
1 tsp sea salt
Add all ingredients in food processor and blend until smooth.
The strange thing is, I usually only have a clementine and water in the morning, and then a larabar around 9 am or so. This morning I had a really tasty smoothie and it somehow made me hungrier! Oh well, I am going to stick with this rule because it incorporates more fruits and more raw food into my diet!

Thanks Danielle and Tracy for the inspiration!

xoh!
D

8 weeks to a better me: Week Two (from Sometimes Sweet)

Okay, it is week 2 in the 8 week quest of self reflection and setting new goals, and this week's focus is fitness/working out. You can read the guest post here on Danielle's blog from Amber, someone who is quite motivated and dedicated to her own health!

I have already signed up for Derby Fit which starts this weekend. I have already started skating again but I figured it would be nice to start doing some drills in a group setting. I am not sure how advanced this exercise group will get, but regardless, being new to the area, I thought it would be a nice way to meet people. It is sort of hard to meet anyone just exercising by yourself, adding a social element to it is nice! Derby Fit starts this Saturday for me so this is a great time for me personally to focus on 3 fitness goals.

Goal 1: So the other day when I got out of my car, I dropped my bag and out of it tumbled my glass water bottle which shattered to a million pieces on the ground. I need to get myself a new water bottle and commit to drinking at least 6, preferably 8 glasses of water throughout the day. I am SO bad with the water rule, and having a pretty bottle of water near me is a huge help!

Goal 2: I already lift weights and stretch every day, but I am a bit of a slacker when it comes to getting my heart rate up and core exercises. This week I pledge to do core exercises Monday, Wednesday and Friday and to run or skate Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Goal 3: I have been a bad mommy lately, and end up hitting snooze too often and then rushing my pup on his morning walk. We used to go into the park and saunter around and now I bust around the block quickly and speed off to work. This week I pledge to Get 7 hours of sleep and wake up early enough for a longer walk with Malomar...in the park!

If you would also like to participate in 8 weeks to a better me, head over here!

xo!

8 weeks to a better me: Week One (from Sometimes Sweet)

I have been known to make a to do list that involves such items as "drink coffee" or "feed pets"...things that I always do anyway, but boy does it feel nice to put an X in the box...so when I saw Danielle's post over at Sometimes Sweet about setting small attainable weekly goals, I decided to participate as well, and feel the rush of checking off items on a weekly to do!

This week's theme is...

Go and check out her post, and open your eyes to some other bloggers as well. This week Danielle had guests posts from both Don and Rachel, a lovely couple who both blog and set their three goals for blogging. Check out what they have to say about why people blog, and their focus on supporting their local community. Just seeing this post made me so happy to see other like minded people sharing away on the web.

Since I am relatively new to blogging, I am excited that the first goals are about our little corners of the internet.

Goal 1: Since I have moved into NYC I have been so busy with work that perhaps I haven't gotten enough time out to notice my hood...so I will create a weekly post regarding Brooklyn. Not only will it be fun to share the cool things I have already found in my new home base, but it will force me to get out and explore even more! This Sunday I happened into the Cobble Hill area and immediately fell in love. It honestly made my Sunday amazing to find this new little area of town and explore. This goal will get me out and about with purpose, and I will really be prompted to take the time to notice all of the cool things my new city has to offer!

Goal 2: Share a recipe that I use often. Food is something I am very mindful of. I would say after rent, it is what I spend the most money on (voting with my wallet). I also spend a lot of time preparing and enjoying all different kinds of food and I would like to share!

Goal 3: Connect more with other bloggers. I have started to really enjoy coming online and checking out my daily reads and I should definitely tell some of these people how great they are!

Three cheers for small attainable goals!