We barbecued out in the backyard and had wine and Honza's beer. It was awesome, what a great weekend!
Hope you had a great weekend too!
xoh
d
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Weekend Recap
We barbecued out in the backyard and had wine and Honza's beer. It was awesome, what a great weekend!
Hope you had a great weekend too!
xoh
d
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
8 weeks to a better me: Week Six (Home Sweet Home)
This week's goals brought to you by Danielle from Sometimes Sweet and Mandi from Here's Looking at Me, Kid are all about making your home a wonderful place to be in!
My apartment is less than charming, I will be the first one to admit it. I have been lucky to usually live in large loft spaces, or amazingly beautiful Queen Victorians renovated into apartments, complete with claw foot tubs and even a terrace. I have lived in apartments with high ceilings and hardwoods, funky slanted walls and original woodworking. At the very least I have had a large kitchen, or a killer backyard, or ample space with which to add fun vintage furniture, build a huge bed frame with wall pockets, or house a sectional and a large farmers table.
This apartment has none of that.
1. It has carpets. I almost puked when I realized I would have carpets, especially with a dog and two cats...but the view to the park and the proximity to it kind of cancelled out that fact that I vacuum every other day (sometimes every day).
2. It's small. Actually...it is pretty big for NYC...maybe average or small for Brooklyn...but darn it I have more than one room! I thought on my teachers salary and living alone that I would probably have to settle for a studio...but alas, I have a one bedroom! WEEEE!!!
3. It's in an apartment building, so it is pretty much a cookie cutter apartment...a little bit awkward and just...sort of...normal.
But, there are MAJOR pluses!
-I have two very large windows...one in each room. You can see the park from the windows and my neighborhood isn't all that loud, so the windows can be opened to get a nice breeze.
-I have enough room for my loom and my drafting table and my easel. Basically I have enough room that I have a full studio room. I use the main room when you enter as a dining area/bedroom and the other room is for my creative self.
-I have plenty of closet space. Like, a ton. This is great for me and I'm not sure what I would do without it!
Here are Mandi's tips for keeping your home awesome: You can read the full post here.
1. Don't buy or keep anything you don't love.
2. Start small.
3. Don't neglect function.
Goal 2: Switch out my seasonal clothing, purge anything I don't wear or need. I do own too much clothing, I have a large closet and also a full dresser worth of clothing, and if all of my clothes are clean at the same time: I have to admit, I don't have enough space to house all of it. I have been slowly trying to get rid of pieces I don't use and focus on a smaller amount of staple pieces...but thrifting is so fun, dressing like a maniac is so fun, and clothing is just...so fun! I did make a commitment that anything I buy will be 90% handmade or vintage so that helps cut down on the crazy. This week I will make sure to switch my clothing over for the season and get rid of anything I didn't wear during fall/winter.
Goal 3: Work on one area of studio. I need to make sure that my studio is in good working condition for the extra time I will have coming up in 10 days when school is out! I will focus on one aspect of the studio: the space behind my drafting table. Here I will make sure to create something to house ideas, sketches, and keep me organized and accountable. So this week I will create a inspiration/to do area in my studio.
I am excited to spruce up the place a bit...and in order to keep me accountable, I will share some before and after pictures with you later this week!
d
Monday, June 6, 2011
How to Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life
So the other day I was walking through Prospect Park with my dog when I heard some arguing in the wooded area to my left. It was a young couple, probably younger than 20. The boy was saying "baby, baby, what are you talking about? what did I do?" The girl was sobbing and saying, "I am not your girlfriend anymore, I don't need my SUPPOSED boyfriend all over other girls and pretending to them that he doesn't care about me." This went back and forth and I paused about 20 feet away with my dog just to make sure that the girl was okay. They were in an area in which it wouldn't be very safe for either of them if one decided to take the argument from yelling, to physical.
Things started to escalate. The female was trying to walk away and said that she didn't want him to follow her and he kept getting in front of her, grabbing her by the waist or alternatively the shoulders and telling her that she couldn't leave. This was enough for me. I calmly approached the couple, asked the girl if she was okay or if she wanted to walk with me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and mouthed "please" and I put my arm around her. I said to the boy, we are going to take a break from this, and I walked the girl with me and told her a little bit about what I am going to share here.
This situation broke my heart in so many ways. The first reason it really got to me was the fact that I KNEW this girl would immediately go back with the boy probably within that night, if not within about twenty minutes...but with free will, what can I do about that? The other reason is because this girl has such a low sense of self worth that she has no idea how to get out of a situation that is this toxic, nor does she necessarily realize how bad off she really is.
I was a child of divorce, and like many children of divorce, you see relationships in strange ways. I think being someone who's family was broken up changes the amount of garbage you will put up with. I also think that having a family structure with stepparents changed the way I think about how relationships and commitment really works.
There is no part of me that blames my family for the decisions I have made, or for how long it took me to realize how to cut toxic people from my life, hell I am still working on shaking some of the last bits of crazy away from me....but I will say this:
{People with strong healthy relationships around them, are more likely to foster strong healthy relationships themselves.}
Why did this girl have such low self worth? She was beautiful, spoke well and was receptive and sweet. Who knows really. I can't make any snap judgements in such a short encounter but I do know this...I know the reasons why I used to have low self worth. Okay, so here is where I am going to share...deep breath...
-any sort of physical or sexual abuse can bring on low self worth. this is because if you are ever used or abused by someone, that person has devalued you or just used you like an object, no matter how strong you are, this abuse can lower your self esteem.
-consistent toxic relationships will make it seem as if that sort of relationship is normal. if you are only surrounded by constant arguments, friend's whose boyfriends put them down or are unfaithful, you will assume that this is the nature of all relationships.
-trying to gain a sense of control in an uncontrollable environment can lead to low self worth. this can also lead to eating disorders, drug abuse etc. if your environment is unhealthy or unpredictable it is very hard to maintain a sense of control, therefore we try to control other things and often end up in unhealthy situations.
-consistent criticism or being unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem. if you constantly compare yourself to others, "why is she so pretty, happy, talented" it can really mess with you...if someone else constantly says to you "why can't you be more like Jane"=same effect.
-bullying can cause low self worth. if you are constantly told that you are trash, a slut, a dyke, an idiot, a loser, or whatever wonderfully terrible things kids are saying to one another now in school...it can lead to low self worth.
Okay, so now we went over some of the reasons this girl, or any girl or guy or man or woman could be in this situation. Here comes the hard part:
{HOW TO GET OUT OF IT!}
First let me say that I am far from an expert, and I am just speaking from my experience and the experience of other women close to me.
Next, knowing that I am not an expert, let's take a look at some good books to read on the subject:
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them
But He'll Change
Women Who Love Too Much
With the help of your friends, and these books and hopefully my advice, you will realize that you too deserve to be treated with love and respect!
Here are some tips:
Make a PROS and CONS list...do it with the help of your friends. If I would have opened up the topic of dude.who.sucks.but.I'm.dating.anyway to my friends, I am SURE that they would have offered up a bunch-o-cons that I hadn't thought of. It helps to have someone else really sit down with you and talk about the relationship as they see it as well. When you are inside a crappy relationship, and you have low self worth, you deny the bad parts and elevate the good parts like whoa.
At the end of the night, write down how this person made you feel. Is your calendar filled with, "said he/she was working late, friend said he saw him/her out dancing.", "called me 15 times in a row." "always brings phone to bathroom when showering" "demanded to know who I was with." OR is it filled with things like: "had great conversation over pizza." "texted me "still the coolest babe in NY?" "didn't talk to her/him today, went out dancing with friends" (Because guess what oh little friends in abusive relationships: NOT SPEAKING EVERY SINGLE DAY is GOOD AND HEALTHY!) Just because someone is in constant contact with you, does not mean they like or love you more...in fact, it may just mean they are sketchy as hell or super obsessive.
For the love of god STOP MAKING EXCUSES! It doesn't matter how drunk, stoned, tired, stressed, artistic your dude or lady is...there is absolutely no excuse for screaming that you are a slut or a bitch in front of your friends, while you are alone walking down the road, or inside the confines of your apartment where no one else but your poor little cat hears. PS: your cat hates your partner too and you are stressing out Whiskers by keeping that jerkola around. There is absolutely no excuse ever for someone to rip your bag off of you and throw it, to punch you in the face, to slap you, to grab your arm so hard that it leaves bruises, to grab you by the hair, to chase you down the road, to throw you down the stairs, to trap you in the bathroom, to call your phone 55 times in a row. None of this is remotely acceptable and if someone does this to you...two words: RESTRAINING ORDER.
BLOCK THEM. Block them on your phone, use privacy star, make your facebook friend's only, don't answer their emails, texts, phone calls. If you don't feel safe at your house, call the cops and let them know and stay with a friend. If you don't feel safe in the park: let a stranger, covered in tattoos with a dog and a smiling face put her arm around you and walk you away.
You are not alone.
She/He is NOT going to change. You cannot fix him or her no matter how kick ass you are.
You are absolutely, one hundred percent worth a kind, caring, trusting partner.
You are worth waiting for.
You are worth a partner who only has eyes, words, and love for you.
You are worth calm, centered and focused communication.
You are worth being able to have your own life, your own passions, your own friends.
You are worth it because you are a wonderful person who will give kind, caring, trusting words to your partner, only have eyes words and love for them. Because you will speak with calm, centered and focused communication. You are worth it because you are kick ass...and don't let anyone...anyone...ANYONE tell you otherwise.
If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, please feel free to email me: danielleruckus@gmail.com, call or text a friend, or reach out to the HOTLINE.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
For once you get out of this craptastic relationship and need help to start loving yourself and not that douchebag:
Positive Thinking for Single Women.
Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent.
I hope this helps.
xoh!
d
Things started to escalate. The female was trying to walk away and said that she didn't want him to follow her and he kept getting in front of her, grabbing her by the waist or alternatively the shoulders and telling her that she couldn't leave. This was enough for me. I calmly approached the couple, asked the girl if she was okay or if she wanted to walk with me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and mouthed "please" and I put my arm around her. I said to the boy, we are going to take a break from this, and I walked the girl with me and told her a little bit about what I am going to share here.
This situation broke my heart in so many ways. The first reason it really got to me was the fact that I KNEW this girl would immediately go back with the boy probably within that night, if not within about twenty minutes...but with free will, what can I do about that? The other reason is because this girl has such a low sense of self worth that she has no idea how to get out of a situation that is this toxic, nor does she necessarily realize how bad off she really is.
I was a child of divorce, and like many children of divorce, you see relationships in strange ways. I think being someone who's family was broken up changes the amount of garbage you will put up with. I also think that having a family structure with stepparents changed the way I think about how relationships and commitment really works.
There is no part of me that blames my family for the decisions I have made, or for how long it took me to realize how to cut toxic people from my life, hell I am still working on shaking some of the last bits of crazy away from me....but I will say this:
Why did this girl have such low self worth? She was beautiful, spoke well and was receptive and sweet. Who knows really. I can't make any snap judgements in such a short encounter but I do know this...I know the reasons why I used to have low self worth. Okay, so here is where I am going to share...deep breath...
-any sort of physical or sexual abuse can bring on low self worth. this is because if you are ever used or abused by someone, that person has devalued you or just used you like an object, no matter how strong you are, this abuse can lower your self esteem.
-consistent toxic relationships will make it seem as if that sort of relationship is normal. if you are only surrounded by constant arguments, friend's whose boyfriends put them down or are unfaithful, you will assume that this is the nature of all relationships.
-trying to gain a sense of control in an uncontrollable environment can lead to low self worth. this can also lead to eating disorders, drug abuse etc. if your environment is unhealthy or unpredictable it is very hard to maintain a sense of control, therefore we try to control other things and often end up in unhealthy situations.
-consistent criticism or being unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem. if you constantly compare yourself to others, "why is she so pretty, happy, talented" it can really mess with you...if someone else constantly says to you "why can't you be more like Jane"=same effect.
-bullying can cause low self worth. if you are constantly told that you are trash, a slut, a dyke, an idiot, a loser, or whatever wonderfully terrible things kids are saying to one another now in school...it can lead to low self worth.
Okay, so now we went over some of the reasons this girl, or any girl or guy or man or woman could be in this situation. Here comes the hard part:
First let me say that I am far from an expert, and I am just speaking from my experience and the experience of other women close to me.
Next, knowing that I am not an expert, let's take a look at some good books to read on the subject:
With the help of your friends, and these books and hopefully my advice, you will realize that you too deserve to be treated with love and respect!
Here are some tips:
Make a PROS and CONS list...do it with the help of your friends. If I would have opened up the topic of dude.who.sucks.but.I'm.dating.anyway to my friends, I am SURE that they would have offered up a bunch-o-cons that I hadn't thought of. It helps to have someone else really sit down with you and talk about the relationship as they see it as well. When you are inside a crappy relationship, and you have low self worth, you deny the bad parts and elevate the good parts like whoa.
At the end of the night, write down how this person made you feel. Is your calendar filled with, "said he/she was working late, friend said he saw him/her out dancing.", "called me 15 times in a row." "always brings phone to bathroom when showering" "demanded to know who I was with." OR is it filled with things like: "had great conversation over pizza." "texted me "still the coolest babe in NY?" "didn't talk to her/him today, went out dancing with friends" (Because guess what oh little friends in abusive relationships: NOT SPEAKING EVERY SINGLE DAY is GOOD AND HEALTHY!) Just because someone is in constant contact with you, does not mean they like or love you more...in fact, it may just mean they are sketchy as hell or super obsessive.
For the love of god STOP MAKING EXCUSES! It doesn't matter how drunk, stoned, tired, stressed, artistic your dude or lady is...there is absolutely no excuse for screaming that you are a slut or a bitch in front of your friends, while you are alone walking down the road, or inside the confines of your apartment where no one else but your poor little cat hears. PS: your cat hates your partner too and you are stressing out Whiskers by keeping that jerkola around. There is absolutely no excuse ever for someone to rip your bag off of you and throw it, to punch you in the face, to slap you, to grab your arm so hard that it leaves bruises, to grab you by the hair, to chase you down the road, to throw you down the stairs, to trap you in the bathroom, to call your phone 55 times in a row. None of this is remotely acceptable and if someone does this to you...two words: RESTRAINING ORDER.
BLOCK THEM. Block them on your phone, use privacy star, make your facebook friend's only, don't answer their emails, texts, phone calls. If you don't feel safe at your house, call the cops and let them know and stay with a friend. If you don't feel safe in the park: let a stranger, covered in tattoos with a dog and a smiling face put her arm around you and walk you away.
She/He is NOT going to change. You cannot fix him or her no matter how kick ass you are.
You are absolutely, one hundred percent worth a kind, caring, trusting partner.
You are worth waiting for.
You are worth a partner who only has eyes, words, and love for you.
You are worth calm, centered and focused communication.
You are worth being able to have your own life, your own passions, your own friends.
You are worth it because you are a wonderful person who will give kind, caring, trusting words to your partner, only have eyes words and love for them. Because you will speak with calm, centered and focused communication. You are worth it because you are kick ass...and don't let anyone...anyone...ANYONE tell you otherwise.
If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, please feel free to email me: danielleruckus@gmail.com, call or text a friend, or reach out to the HOTLINE.
For once you get out of this craptastic relationship and need help to start loving yourself and not that douchebag:
I hope this helps.
xoh!
d
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sunday's Song
Archers of Loaf is playing a reunion tour, and playing in my city...woop woop! I haven't seen any of these guys since I saw Crooked Fingers 10 million years ago down south. I can't even remember where I was, but I know it was a fest and I remember that they played in some sort of auditorium(???), and they walked through the crowd, violins in hand, and played the most beautiful set ever. I think I was in North Carolina, or near there, which makes sense because they are from Chapel Hill.
{Here is Eric Bachmann performing Lusia's Bones}
I will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
Charles Bukowski, Raw With Love
I will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
Charles Bukowski, Raw With Love
Saturday, June 4, 2011
things I like
Today it is gorgeous out and I am headed to Bushwick Open Studios which I also like!
xoh!
d
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Brooklyn Bites!
I go to a Farmer's Market at least once a week to stock up on my supplies for the week. There are many reasons for using Farmer's Markets rather than grocery stores, but let me give you mine:
1. Farmer's Markets directly SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS.
2. Farmer's Markets stock only fruits and vegetables that are IN SEASON.
3. Most Farmer's Market produce is ORGANIC or meets ORGANIC standards.
4. I like to know where my food comes from, I like to know it's story.
5. Most Farmers Market produce is CHEAPER than buying from a grocery store.
(let's not forget that Farmer's Markets accept EBT cards, and some Markets even offer incentive or extra bang for your unemployed government buck if you qualify for EBT)
All in all, I think Farmer's Markets RULE!!! and I am blessed to live in an area with many farmer's markets for my choosing!
I usually go to the Sunday greenmarket in Park Slope, but this past Saturday morning when I woke up I saw a tweet about fresh strawberries and I just couldn't wait until Sunday!
To my surprise and delight, the Saturday Farmer's Market was AMAZING!
It is a beautiful walk to this Farmer's Market through Prospect Park, and when I arrived it was so bustling and big, and full of all different types of fresh produce, meats, milks, cheeses and plants! There are also composting efforts and a clothing recycling center set up.
{This week I bought}
leeks
strawberries(!)
pea shoots
apple cider
mixed salad greens
apples
shiitake mushrooms
kale
sweet potatoes
garlic
a lemon verbena plant
xoh!
d
2. Farmer's Markets stock only fruits and vegetables that are IN SEASON.
3. Most Farmer's Market produce is ORGANIC or meets ORGANIC standards.
4. I like to know where my food comes from, I like to know it's story.
5. Most Farmers Market produce is CHEAPER than buying from a grocery store.
(let's not forget that Farmer's Markets accept EBT cards, and some Markets even offer incentive or extra bang for your unemployed government buck if you qualify for EBT)
All in all, I think Farmer's Markets RULE!!! and I am blessed to live in an area with many farmer's markets for my choosing!
I usually go to the Sunday greenmarket in Park Slope, but this past Saturday morning when I woke up I saw a tweet about fresh strawberries and I just couldn't wait until Sunday!
To my surprise and delight, the Saturday Farmer's Market was AMAZING!
It is a beautiful walk to this Farmer's Market through Prospect Park, and when I arrived it was so bustling and big, and full of all different types of fresh produce, meats, milks, cheeses and plants! There are also composting efforts and a clothing recycling center set up.
leeks
strawberries(!)
pea shoots
apple cider
mixed salad greens
apples
shiitake mushrooms
kale
sweet potatoes
garlic
a lemon verbena plant
xoh!
d
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